Chapter 1: Jade

[Her] I’m on my way to RaShawn's house. He stays off market and locust. We're in the school choir together . Being with RaShawn made me feel wanted. I didn't know if it was because I was always doing things for him, or if he really liked me. We use to kick it at school during lunch period. We kept it on the low, he said, because he didn't want to ruin my reputation as a " good girl. " I mean, it was true, I had a 3.7 GPA, sang in the school choir and I was in church actively 3 days out of the week . RaShawn, on the other hand was a " bad boy ". He sleeps in on Sundays, skips class, and he even smokes, but he's the only guy that'll give me the time of day.

Although we messed around physically, technically, I was still a virgin. I mean, I have seen his 'thing' and I've even rubbed it before, but the most he'd seen on me were my 36C cup breasts. Now, here I was again, in his musty ass room sitting on the corner of his twin sized bed with him on his knees and his hands around my chubby waist. "Come on Jade, we been kickin it like a year now. You know I care about you. Let's do this mama."

Here we go with this again. It seems as though lately all Rashawn talks about wanting to do with me is have sex.

"Well, prom is in a few days and I told you we could do it then but you messed that up when you got suspended last week." I was starting to be annoyed with him pressuring me about sex. I use to feel flattered that he would even think to want to do something as special and intimate as sex with me, but now, just the thought of it made me sick.

"Jade, are you going to bring that shit up again? What's so special about prom anyway? I don't know why you're so set on going. We can get a nice little room and a bottle and skip all that shit."

"Ugh. You don't get it do you? I want my first time to be special. I don't want to miss prom to be in some nasty room all night missing what could be the best night of my life."

I was so upset that I stormed right out of his room and out the front door. The truth was, I was so set on going to prom because I dreamed about that day since I was a kid. I would finally have the chance to feel beautiful, but this nigga was ruining it for me. I mean, I don't even have a date to the prom. I'm sure that even if he wasn't suspended he probably wouldn't even ask to be my date. He's too embarrassed to be seen with me. The more I thought about it, the more my eyes began to burn with tears as they slowly flowed down my face.

I needed to leave RaShawns' house anyway. My mom would be getting home from work soon and she was taking me to pick up my dress for Prom which was on Saturday. I stayed right across the street from Jordan High School in the Paradise Garden Apartments with my mom. I was my mothers only child, however, my Dad lived out of state with his 'new family,' which really didn't matter to me because my mom was the only person in the world who really cared for me.

As I headed back on the bus home, I shoved my headphones in my ears to drown out my thoughts of frustration, disappointment, anger, and pure depression. Music was the only real thing that kept me from going completely crazy. I played Ciara's new song "Promise" on my iPod while I gazed out of the window.

there's nothing I won't do

to spend my life with you

I'll give my all to you

I promise that I will never lie to you boy

The weather outside looked as sad as I felt inside. Rain had started to drizzle and I closed my eyes, but all I could picture was the face of that boy I saw on the way to RaShawn's house.